Worked till late last night and then went grocery shopping with all my kids, those that are grown and out on their own as well as the youngest still at home. That would allow me to have today for relaxing with my youngest child and preparing for the week to come. It was 1 am when we got in so off to bed, I went.
Last night, at work, I was waiting on some customers and I got a pleasant surprise. When I was young and in a toxic marriage, my now ex-husband met a christian lay counselor in jail for one of his many alcohol fueled behaviors. He really admired her at the time and was willing to meet with her and take some much needed advice and wanted me to meet with her as well. I really liked her style and her ability to reach out and really connect with people. She was absolutely non judgmental and was very willing to share her past journey with those she wished to help. She had a lot of resources and she was passionate about helping people better themselves and overcome adversity. She did so much and she did it out of her love for others. She never got paid, financially, for the many, many hours of her time that she gave to others. She believed in the underdog. I liked that.
It started out with my idea of her, helping me, change him. Through her we learned about AA, NA and ALANON. Her door was open at 4 a.m. if it was needed, and sometimes it was needed. The ex soon grew weary of all the work and drifted off into his old comfortable, and self destructive ways. But she and I formed a friendship of sorts. We would meet for coffee or she would come to my home to have some coffee and see how I was doing more times that I could count. We would talk about so many things for hours and hours sometimes. She would suggest books for me to read that opened my mind and changed my views about myself and the world. Instead of helping me change my, then, husband the situation became ended her helping me be stronger and eventually helping me to see that the only person I could actually change is me, and that I, indeed, needed some changing.
Although it took a really, really long time for me to get past the head knowledge and be able to accept and act on some things. She taught me a great deal. Some of it I was starving to learn and some of it I was not ready for but always held in my remembrance. I sometimes fought and was stubborn. But she never gave up on believing in me and what she thought I was capable of. She was kind of like a wise surrogate mom, but had the ability to be removed from emotional investment. I think that is a good combination. She could be kind and gentle, but she tried to hold me to the line or at least guide me back in the direction of the line when I had stumbled out too far into deep roving right field. I didn't always appreciate that at the time, but I have come to be so grateful for that as time went on.
I had not been in touch with her for the past 6 years. She moved out of state and my life changed in other directions. I would see her out and about for several years before that and we would speak about where each of us were. Time was short and I always thought that I could have a longer conversation with her later.
I had never really thanked her for all her time and care. Last night I was working with my oldest daughter and so I was able to spend a little time with this wonderful person last night. I was able to actually thank her and tell her how greatly she had touched my life. She was very pleased. That made me feel very pleased, as well.
This lady was one of those people that helped changed my life in a wonderfully profound way. My journey is still evolving. Sometimes I slip backwards and sideways, but I am not where I once was. Not at all. For that I am grateful. This was the first person, outside of my grandmother, (who was, after all my grandmother and is supposed to believe in me), to tell me that I needed to realize I could be more than I thought I was. That I had power within myself to make my life what I wanted it to be. That I was good and that I deserved good things. This woman helped me get to this place, now, (which is a much better place than I was then..scary thought, I know) and her influence will continue to help me for the rest of my journey.
People such as her are found few and far between and are so very precious.
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