Since my last entry, I have managed to lose and gain the same ten pounds repeatedly. If it would have been just losing, I would have met my goal by now. But I suppose there is a lesson to be learned along the way. I always seem to need to learn any life lesson the hard way. Even though that is not my intention.
When I make decisions to do something about a personal situation, I tend to second guess myself into defeat. Well, now that I have recognized that I truly do this. I think that I possibly need to find the way to ultimately stop behaving in this manner. Until I am able to figure this out and truly change the way I behave, I will not be who I know that I can be, and who I want to be.
I have a good sense of intuition, unless that intuition tells me what I do not want to know or acknowledge, personally. Then I make excuses to myself as to why what I know, is just not quite so. But it is... It really is exactly what I feel about 99.9 percent of the time. And in that percentage of time..whatever "it" really is..is usually NOT what that small child like part of me wants "it" to be.
So I will admit that this instant gratification needing, distraction seeking, attention draining, approval needing child like part of me horns her way into the decision making part of my brain and I totally allow her to attempt to have the illusion of controlling particular situations that cannot be truly controlled...or that shouldn't be controlled and should be left to follow the natural course of being. As well at deciding to ignore important matters that need attending because they are enormously difficult and/or painful.
All this leads to very poor personal decisions, on my part, a great deal of the time. Funny that I do not do this when my friends or children ask for advice. There is no second guessing. No excuses. No slanting of the truth of matters. Only happens with personal choices for myself.
That child like part of me needs to be attended to so that she will not keep trying to fits square pegs into round holes at a great cost to myself along the way. She needs to know her place. I am figuring it out, and it is a bit painful. I am no longer that child, although I have somehow kept her with me, quietly, for many years. She has been coddled until she is unruly and she needs to go home.
As I am reading this, it sounds just a little nuts. But then maybe I am..just a little. If one does not fully acknowledge and address a problem, it cannot be fixed.
It is, what it is..for now..but it is my hope and desire, that this will soon be changed into something good for my life.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Day 18...Good thoughts on a peaceful Sunday...
Worked till late last night and then went grocery shopping with all my kids, those that are grown and out on their own as well as the youngest still at home. That would allow me to have today for relaxing with my youngest child and preparing for the week to come. It was 1 am when we got in so off to bed, I went.
Last night, at work, I was waiting on some customers and I got a pleasant surprise. When I was young and in a toxic marriage, my now ex-husband met a christian lay counselor in jail for one of his many alcohol fueled behaviors. He really admired her at the time and was willing to meet with her and take some much needed advice and wanted me to meet with her as well. I really liked her style and her ability to reach out and really connect with people. She was absolutely non judgmental and was very willing to share her past journey with those she wished to help. She had a lot of resources and she was passionate about helping people better themselves and overcome adversity. She did so much and she did it out of her love for others. She never got paid, financially, for the many, many hours of her time that she gave to others. She believed in the underdog. I liked that.
It started out with my idea of her, helping me, change him. Through her we learned about AA, NA and ALANON. Her door was open at 4 a.m. if it was needed, and sometimes it was needed. The ex soon grew weary of all the work and drifted off into his old comfortable, and self destructive ways. But she and I formed a friendship of sorts. We would meet for coffee or she would come to my home to have some coffee and see how I was doing more times that I could count. We would talk about so many things for hours and hours sometimes. She would suggest books for me to read that opened my mind and changed my views about myself and the world. Instead of helping me change my, then, husband the situation became ended her helping me be stronger and eventually helping me to see that the only person I could actually change is me, and that I, indeed, needed some changing.
Although it took a really, really long time for me to get past the head knowledge and be able to accept and act on some things. She taught me a great deal. Some of it I was starving to learn and some of it I was not ready for but always held in my remembrance. I sometimes fought and was stubborn. But she never gave up on believing in me and what she thought I was capable of. She was kind of like a wise surrogate mom, but had the ability to be removed from emotional investment. I think that is a good combination. She could be kind and gentle, but she tried to hold me to the line or at least guide me back in the direction of the line when I had stumbled out too far into deep roving right field. I didn't always appreciate that at the time, but I have come to be so grateful for that as time went on.
I had not been in touch with her for the past 6 years. She moved out of state and my life changed in other directions. I would see her out and about for several years before that and we would speak about where each of us were. Time was short and I always thought that I could have a longer conversation with her later.
I had never really thanked her for all her time and care. Last night I was working with my oldest daughter and so I was able to spend a little time with this wonderful person last night. I was able to actually thank her and tell her how greatly she had touched my life. She was very pleased. That made me feel very pleased, as well.
This lady was one of those people that helped changed my life in a wonderfully profound way. My journey is still evolving. Sometimes I slip backwards and sideways, but I am not where I once was. Not at all. For that I am grateful. This was the first person, outside of my grandmother, (who was, after all my grandmother and is supposed to believe in me), to tell me that I needed to realize I could be more than I thought I was. That I had power within myself to make my life what I wanted it to be. That I was good and that I deserved good things. This woman helped me get to this place, now, (which is a much better place than I was then..scary thought, I know) and her influence will continue to help me for the rest of my journey.
People such as her are found few and far between and are so very precious.
Last night, at work, I was waiting on some customers and I got a pleasant surprise. When I was young and in a toxic marriage, my now ex-husband met a christian lay counselor in jail for one of his many alcohol fueled behaviors. He really admired her at the time and was willing to meet with her and take some much needed advice and wanted me to meet with her as well. I really liked her style and her ability to reach out and really connect with people. She was absolutely non judgmental and was very willing to share her past journey with those she wished to help. She had a lot of resources and she was passionate about helping people better themselves and overcome adversity. She did so much and she did it out of her love for others. She never got paid, financially, for the many, many hours of her time that she gave to others. She believed in the underdog. I liked that.
It started out with my idea of her, helping me, change him. Through her we learned about AA, NA and ALANON. Her door was open at 4 a.m. if it was needed, and sometimes it was needed. The ex soon grew weary of all the work and drifted off into his old comfortable, and self destructive ways. But she and I formed a friendship of sorts. We would meet for coffee or she would come to my home to have some coffee and see how I was doing more times that I could count. We would talk about so many things for hours and hours sometimes. She would suggest books for me to read that opened my mind and changed my views about myself and the world. Instead of helping me change my, then, husband the situation became ended her helping me be stronger and eventually helping me to see that the only person I could actually change is me, and that I, indeed, needed some changing.
Although it took a really, really long time for me to get past the head knowledge and be able to accept and act on some things. She taught me a great deal. Some of it I was starving to learn and some of it I was not ready for but always held in my remembrance. I sometimes fought and was stubborn. But she never gave up on believing in me and what she thought I was capable of. She was kind of like a wise surrogate mom, but had the ability to be removed from emotional investment. I think that is a good combination. She could be kind and gentle, but she tried to hold me to the line or at least guide me back in the direction of the line when I had stumbled out too far into deep roving right field. I didn't always appreciate that at the time, but I have come to be so grateful for that as time went on.
I had not been in touch with her for the past 6 years. She moved out of state and my life changed in other directions. I would see her out and about for several years before that and we would speak about where each of us were. Time was short and I always thought that I could have a longer conversation with her later.
I had never really thanked her for all her time and care. Last night I was working with my oldest daughter and so I was able to spend a little time with this wonderful person last night. I was able to actually thank her and tell her how greatly she had touched my life. She was very pleased. That made me feel very pleased, as well.
This lady was one of those people that helped changed my life in a wonderfully profound way. My journey is still evolving. Sometimes I slip backwards and sideways, but I am not where I once was. Not at all. For that I am grateful. This was the first person, outside of my grandmother, (who was, after all my grandmother and is supposed to believe in me), to tell me that I needed to realize I could be more than I thought I was. That I had power within myself to make my life what I wanted it to be. That I was good and that I deserved good things. This woman helped me get to this place, now, (which is a much better place than I was then..scary thought, I know) and her influence will continue to help me for the rest of my journey.
People such as her are found few and far between and are so very precious.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Day 16...It is late at night and I really wanna go to bed...
Wow. I am actually really sleepy and have been for a couple hours, but I had things to finish before I can get to bed. Writing here being the last thing. Been up since 5 a.m. and got a lot of what I had planned accomplished for the day. That is good! I have eaten well and been active and enjoyed this day completely. That is the short and sweet tale for the day. I am off to beddie bye ;)
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Day 15: Sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing, are the same thing...
I had to turn down an opportunity today. I didn't like making the choice and by that I mean that I REALLY wanted to partake but I also ABSOLUTELY knew it was not the right thing to do so, in general.
I have failed at this choice many times. I usually falter and fumble and rationalize so that I can go for instant gratification. I did not fail in making that choice today. I felt stronger in a way, but felt very, very sad at the same time. I think this is the oddest feeling.
I suppose I would have liked to have done what would have made me feel better immediately. But I would have not liked myself very much later, had I made a different choice.
Wish it wasn't like that. In many things it is not difficult for me to choose in this way. But in this one thing it is very, very difficult. So difficult that no matter how much part of me knew what I "should" do, I didn't ever do that during the past 4 years or so. I fight with myself a lot in this thing..and usually I lose...or I win, depending upon the perspective chosen, I suppose. It is complicated. Or maybe I just make it that way...
Today was bittersweet, indeed.
I have failed at this choice many times. I usually falter and fumble and rationalize so that I can go for instant gratification. I did not fail in making that choice today. I felt stronger in a way, but felt very, very sad at the same time. I think this is the oddest feeling.
I suppose I would have liked to have done what would have made me feel better immediately. But I would have not liked myself very much later, had I made a different choice.
Wish it wasn't like that. In many things it is not difficult for me to choose in this way. But in this one thing it is very, very difficult. So difficult that no matter how much part of me knew what I "should" do, I didn't ever do that during the past 4 years or so. I fight with myself a lot in this thing..and usually I lose...or I win, depending upon the perspective chosen, I suppose. It is complicated. Or maybe I just make it that way...
Today was bittersweet, indeed.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Day 14..I am still on the path..just took a little detour..
It has been almost a week since I have blogged. I had a family crisis that took all my attention and all my energy to put into correct perspective and feel as if it is being righted. The panic attacks have now subsided. I and my child are relatively safe for the moment...high alert time is over. It could have been much, much worse. There are on going legal issues pertaining to the situation, so I will leave the description at that.
And although I was almost overwhelmingly tempted at one point, I did not fall back into old familiar behavioral shoes in an attempt to cope with the discomfort of the situation. I didn't really believe I was going to be able to do that at one point. But I did. I also did not allow my internal dialogue to beat myself to smithereens about the whole thing. It feels strange to do things so differently. But it feels good. I also did not gain weight, but did not lose weight.
So I will take the situation as a learning experience and I will appreciate it.
Back on the path, I go....
And although I was almost overwhelmingly tempted at one point, I did not fall back into old familiar behavioral shoes in an attempt to cope with the discomfort of the situation. I didn't really believe I was going to be able to do that at one point. But I did. I also did not allow my internal dialogue to beat myself to smithereens about the whole thing. It feels strange to do things so differently. But it feels good. I also did not gain weight, but did not lose weight.
So I will take the situation as a learning experience and I will appreciate it.
Back on the path, I go....
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Day 8 Wally World..Ugh!
Good day, over all. Busy, that is usually a given. Went shopping with the oldest daughter after work this evening. She had a bit of extensive shopping to do..me...not so much. I was more there to give opinion on patio furniture for her and pick up some fresh veggies. We finally make it to the checkout. She goes first and as she is getting near the end of her transaction, I place my meager 8 produce items on the belt. As I do so a nicely dressed fellow and his young daughter come up behind me in line and lay their items on top of mine. Ok..he is probably in a hurry tending the child, not paying attention. So I just move my stuff up the belt. The cashier is checking me though and I move up to take my bag off the carousel. I turn back to pay the cashier and this fellow is almost right up against me. Really? I turned and he just looked me dead in the eyes. If this guy was any closer it might have been considered an intimate encounter. So I smile and say "Excuse me, I need to pay for my purchase." And he smiles back..but doesn't move. His little girl is now at our legs looking up between daddy and me. Ok...so I smile down at the little girl and just step back toward the middle of the bag carousel and turn to the cashier and ask for my total, I'll just pay from there. I'll just use cash so I won't need access to the debit reader... As I am digging in my purse for my cash, I can feel breath at my neck, literally..the guy moved on up right behind me again. If I move any further away from this register, I might be accused of attempting to leave with my items without paying for them.
I turn my head look back at the fellow with raised eyebrow and questioning glance now. He smiles, but never blinks looking straight at me. The cashier is just looking uncomfortably at him and then at me. I just move to the very end of the bag carousel and pay across it, get my change and go. I did not look back.
The people of Wally World are strange and sometimes rude....yes they are. I could have been an ass, myself, and refused to pay and move on until he moved back a decent amount of space and let me pay. This thought crossed my mind. But, I didn't. I just did what I had to do so I could just get out of there.
Does anyone have a modicum of manners anymore? The longer I live the more I wonder...
I turn my head look back at the fellow with raised eyebrow and questioning glance now. He smiles, but never blinks looking straight at me. The cashier is just looking uncomfortably at him and then at me. I just move to the very end of the bag carousel and pay across it, get my change and go. I did not look back.
The people of Wally World are strange and sometimes rude....yes they are. I could have been an ass, myself, and refused to pay and move on until he moved back a decent amount of space and let me pay. This thought crossed my mind. But, I didn't. I just did what I had to do so I could just get out of there.
Does anyone have a modicum of manners anymore? The longer I live the more I wonder...
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Day 7 Digging a little deeper
Had some appointments today and spent the early part of the day with my older children and youngest grand child. My youngest child had a great day, which always makes momma's day feel better. Was a good day, over all. I have also been digging a little deeper into why I do what I do, or rather, why I have done those things I have done which are generally not the healthiest things for me. Not always the most pleasant or easiest thing to do..but needs done. I need to be honest with myself and then lay it to rest. I sometimes feel shocked at myself, but am figuring me out.
Now attempting to do such things usually sends me running to some horribly unhealthy food items to avoid dealing wholly with uncomfortable stuff. Did I manage to keep from doing that this evening? Almost. I did eat 5 oreos and 4 oz of skim milk. Not the greatest thing. But not the whole package, which would have been typical behavior in the past. I was still within my plan as far as caloric intake for the day..just probably not the best nutrition value..ahem..
Other than that, I did ok today. I am still trying to get better organized with consistent exercise. That is difficult right now. But I will continue on and get it figured out.
It is not as easy to get on track as it once was in my life. But it is worth it to keep going even if it sometimes feels overwhelming...It will be manageable and it will pass...
Early day in the a.m...bed
Now attempting to do such things usually sends me running to some horribly unhealthy food items to avoid dealing wholly with uncomfortable stuff. Did I manage to keep from doing that this evening? Almost. I did eat 5 oreos and 4 oz of skim milk. Not the greatest thing. But not the whole package, which would have been typical behavior in the past. I was still within my plan as far as caloric intake for the day..just probably not the best nutrition value..ahem..
Other than that, I did ok today. I am still trying to get better organized with consistent exercise. That is difficult right now. But I will continue on and get it figured out.
It is not as easy to get on track as it once was in my life. But it is worth it to keep going even if it sometimes feels overwhelming...It will be manageable and it will pass...
Early day in the a.m...bed
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Day 6 Brain fog
Well nothing spectacular or inspiring happened today. If it did I may have missed it. Brain Fog has settled in today. I suddenly broke out in a rash while talking with my oldest daughter last night and started benadryl. We were chatting away and she stops me and is like, "Mom..what is wrong with your face..it is turning red". I don't have a clue. No new meds. No new foods. No new soaps, perfumes, anything. The rash is receding. But the benadryl makes me fuzzy and I can't keep a good train of thought for any length of time.
I worked tonight and I am exhausted as well as foggy brained. The bed is a callin' my name..or it is a hallucination..either way I am headed there....;)
I worked tonight and I am exhausted as well as foggy brained. The bed is a callin' my name..or it is a hallucination..either way I am headed there....;)
Monday, April 1, 2013
Day 5 Down the Rabbit Hole
Been cleaning and thinking. That can be a happy experience or that can be an unpleasant one. Today was somewhat of a winding twisting road containing both elements. Been looking long and hard at some difficult truths. Pushing prior rationalizations aside and being real. That is outside my recent comfort zone. I guess I am just opening my horizons back up and allowing the sun back in.
You see, I have discovered that I have been down the rabbit hole a bit. The world I entered had become a strange place for me over the past several years. I have not dealt with things as I should have. That is not a good thing. I now have regrets. But at least I am aware and I am making choices to change that. I am trying to find my way back to who I once was, or a close facsimile of that person. A time when I was relatively happy with the simplicity of who I was and what life had to offer. I lost that person a bit somewhere along the way. I never saw it coming..but looking back there were warnings that I was headed the wrong way. I just ignored them because they didn't fit with what I thought I wanted at the time.
The things I chose took me very far away from the things I needed. I was just sooo curious. Hmmm. Curiosity killed the cat...But satisfaction brought it back...
I am no longer curious. I am seeking my own satisfactions from myself and not looking outside for some "thing" to appease me any longer.
You see, I have discovered that I have been down the rabbit hole a bit. The world I entered had become a strange place for me over the past several years. I have not dealt with things as I should have. That is not a good thing. I now have regrets. But at least I am aware and I am making choices to change that. I am trying to find my way back to who I once was, or a close facsimile of that person. A time when I was relatively happy with the simplicity of who I was and what life had to offer. I lost that person a bit somewhere along the way. I never saw it coming..but looking back there were warnings that I was headed the wrong way. I just ignored them because they didn't fit with what I thought I wanted at the time.
The things I chose took me very far away from the things I needed. I was just sooo curious. Hmmm. Curiosity killed the cat...But satisfaction brought it back...
I am no longer curious. I am seeking my own satisfactions from myself and not looking outside for some "thing" to appease me any longer.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Day 4 Green goo running down the kitchen cabinets
Hope a great day was had by all.
Today has been a good day. Even though it is a holiday at my house, I kept my eating within reason. Spent good time with my children/grandchildren. The day started out crazy, though.
I did not get to bed till really late last night. But I did mange about 5 hours..not too awful bad. I get up this morning and put a couple chickens into the oven to roast for the family get together later and get ready to juice and make a green smoothie this morning for me and..I almost could not believe she asked..my youngest daughter. So I get all the veggies out and prepped. Juice them into what my oldest daughter calls "mom's pimp cup" and get out my blender to add the chopped bananas and make our smoothies. Ever the multi-tasker, I was also watching a video with my laptop on the dining room table.
I had not used my blender since last summer and I guess I was not really paying close attention during the blender assembly part...or I just did it wrong. I have it put together and plugged in on the counter and I proceed to pour my green elixer of the God's into the blender and flip it on when I suddenly find myself in a green rainstorm. I was just stunned for a second or two, but I did finally shut the dang thing off. My youngest daughter was in shock at first but was soon doubled over laughing. I looked around with a heavy heart at all this green goo running down the cabinets and onto the floor. I turned around and caught a glimpse of me spattered with green goo, as well, and suddenly I was laughing too. We cleaned it up and ate yogurt with the 'nanners as I was out of a few of the ingredients to start the juicer up again.
If that had happened two weeks ago, I would have totally come unglued and the rest of the day would have felt ruined for me.
Guess I am doing a little better, still..;)
Today has been a good day. Even though it is a holiday at my house, I kept my eating within reason. Spent good time with my children/grandchildren. The day started out crazy, though.
I did not get to bed till really late last night. But I did mange about 5 hours..not too awful bad. I get up this morning and put a couple chickens into the oven to roast for the family get together later and get ready to juice and make a green smoothie this morning for me and..I almost could not believe she asked..my youngest daughter. So I get all the veggies out and prepped. Juice them into what my oldest daughter calls "mom's pimp cup" and get out my blender to add the chopped bananas and make our smoothies. Ever the multi-tasker, I was also watching a video with my laptop on the dining room table.
I had not used my blender since last summer and I guess I was not really paying close attention during the blender assembly part...or I just did it wrong. I have it put together and plugged in on the counter and I proceed to pour my green elixer of the God's into the blender and flip it on when I suddenly find myself in a green rainstorm. I was just stunned for a second or two, but I did finally shut the dang thing off. My youngest daughter was in shock at first but was soon doubled over laughing. I looked around with a heavy heart at all this green goo running down the cabinets and onto the floor. I turned around and caught a glimpse of me spattered with green goo, as well, and suddenly I was laughing too. We cleaned it up and ate yogurt with the 'nanners as I was out of a few of the ingredients to start the juicer up again.
If that had happened two weeks ago, I would have totally come unglued and the rest of the day would have felt ruined for me.
Guess I am doing a little better, still..;)
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Accountability Day 3
Well, technically, it has run into day 4..but this post is about day three. Long day, but good day. Still on track, thankfully. Had a wonderful day with my grand kids, youngest daughter and my son. After my oldest daughter got off work we colored eggs with the kids and it has taken until after 1 in the morning to get all children to sleep so the Easter Bunny may do her thing.
We know that Easter, for us, is much bigger than the Easter Bunny. So thankful that many, many years ago, a tomb where a dead man was placed and sealed shut, was found empty on the morning of the third day...
Checking out some new tools to help me on my way today. Need more time to know more about them, but look promising. I am just trying to be the most that I can be for myself and those who depend on me and if I can help others along the way, that makes me happy as well. I have neglected my own well being most of my adult life. I have patched myself with the easiest things available and ignored my own true needs because that is what I thought I should do. It worked for the short term, most of the time. But over time it has taken a great toll on me. It has negatively impacted my physical and emotional health and my financial situation as a result. I just want to do better. I am finally believing, and not just thinking, that I deserve to treat myself better.
It hasn't been easy being me, lol.
We know that Easter, for us, is much bigger than the Easter Bunny. So thankful that many, many years ago, a tomb where a dead man was placed and sealed shut, was found empty on the morning of the third day...
Checking out some new tools to help me on my way today. Need more time to know more about them, but look promising. I am just trying to be the most that I can be for myself and those who depend on me and if I can help others along the way, that makes me happy as well. I have neglected my own well being most of my adult life. I have patched myself with the easiest things available and ignored my own true needs because that is what I thought I should do. It worked for the short term, most of the time. But over time it has taken a great toll on me. It has negatively impacted my physical and emotional health and my financial situation as a result. I just want to do better. I am finally believing, and not just thinking, that I deserve to treat myself better.
It hasn't been easy being me, lol.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Accountability Day 2
Nothing spectacular going on this day, other than I remain focused on my path of self renewal. That, in itself, is kind of noteworthy..at least it is to me.
I have been researching juicing for a little while now. I like the perceived benefits that I have read can be attained through this method of nutritional support. I bought a juicer about a month and a half ago..spent more money than I was comfortable with and ended up taking it back the next day. I just thought maybe it wasn't for me.
Well last week I bought one for 10 bucks online from a local resale site that a good friend of mine brought to my attention. I have come to find in the past 48 hours it is actually a pretty good juicer. And so I am trying this method to help bring better health into my life. I do feel better. More energy. Calmer. My brain has been steadily moving out of the fog it has been hiding in for the past year or so. I lost 7 lbs in two days and I am not juice fasting. Just replacing one meal with a veggie juice.
Maybe there is something to this thing. When I got up this morning and was getting ready for work, I decided not to juice..just because it is a pain in the rear to clean the juicer out after and I didn't want to get behind and feel rushed before work. I crave that juice all morning. Once I finished my shift and took my kid to her doc appointment and made it home. Juicing was the first thing I did. Maybe I will develop a healthy addiction..that would be a first..
I have been researching juicing for a little while now. I like the perceived benefits that I have read can be attained through this method of nutritional support. I bought a juicer about a month and a half ago..spent more money than I was comfortable with and ended up taking it back the next day. I just thought maybe it wasn't for me.
Well last week I bought one for 10 bucks online from a local resale site that a good friend of mine brought to my attention. I have come to find in the past 48 hours it is actually a pretty good juicer. And so I am trying this method to help bring better health into my life. I do feel better. More energy. Calmer. My brain has been steadily moving out of the fog it has been hiding in for the past year or so. I lost 7 lbs in two days and I am not juice fasting. Just replacing one meal with a veggie juice.
Maybe there is something to this thing. When I got up this morning and was getting ready for work, I decided not to juice..just because it is a pain in the rear to clean the juicer out after and I didn't want to get behind and feel rushed before work. I crave that juice all morning. Once I finished my shift and took my kid to her doc appointment and made it home. Juicing was the first thing I did. Maybe I will develop a healthy addiction..that would be a first..
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Accountability, Day 1
I have enjoyed this day.
That is not a huge statement..but, yet it is.
I have not said nor felt that in a long time. I slept 5 hours last night. Much better than the 3 I have been averaging for longer than I care to admit. I have juiced and eaten clean today. I have felt well. I feel a sense of renewal. I have ran and jumped and played and laughed and hugged and smiled. I was present and engaged every moment of this day and it has been wonderful.
I am grateful and full of peace as at this very moment in time, all in my world is right and good. I am not worried about tomorrow or next week or about what is going on anywhere on earth, but that which immediately sustains me right now.
Baby steps...
That is not a huge statement..but, yet it is.
I have not said nor felt that in a long time. I slept 5 hours last night. Much better than the 3 I have been averaging for longer than I care to admit. I have juiced and eaten clean today. I have felt well. I feel a sense of renewal. I have ran and jumped and played and laughed and hugged and smiled. I was present and engaged every moment of this day and it has been wonderful.
I am grateful and full of peace as at this very moment in time, all in my world is right and good. I am not worried about tomorrow or next week or about what is going on anywhere on earth, but that which immediately sustains me right now.
Baby steps...
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
A New Start
This is short and sweet and mostly for myself. If anyone who happens across my wild meanderings and are able to walk away with something out of it, all the better in a big picture sort of way, but that is not a particular goal for me at this point.
Today marks a new beginning for me in every aspect of my existence. I am not making a list of plans as I think they should be. I set my self up to fail when I do that. I am going to resurrect and use what common sense God has given me and watch and listen for His call in an attempt to find just what it is that I am here for.
Day 1 commences...now.
Today marks a new beginning for me in every aspect of my existence. I am not making a list of plans as I think they should be. I set my self up to fail when I do that. I am going to resurrect and use what common sense God has given me and watch and listen for His call in an attempt to find just what it is that I am here for.
Day 1 commences...now.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Right now..
Right now this is just where life has brought me to. These are not my words, but I could not possibly define and express my perceptions of the world and my journey through it any better than this...
“If I have learned anything from life, it’s that sometimes, the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places.
“If I have learned anything from life, it’s that sometimes, the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places.
I have learned that the most toxic people can teach us the most important lessons; that our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth; and that the most heartbreaking losses of friendship and love can make room for the most wonderful people.
I have learned that what seems like a curse in the moment can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road is actually just the discovery that we are meant to travel down a different path.
I have learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And I have learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we can’t give up.
I have learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And I have learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we can’t give up.
We have to keep going. Even when it’s scary, even when all of our strength seems gone, we have to keep picking ourselves back up and moving forward, because whatever we’re battling in the moment, it will pass, and we will make it through. We have made it this far. We can make it through whatever comes next.”
~~Daniell Koepke
~~Daniell Koepke
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)