Wake Up Call Revisited....

Read a blog today entitled “Wake up calls” and it motivated me on to re-awakening myself, I suppose.  I will place a link..  http://hipesandhope.blogspot.com/2012/05/wake-up-calls.html

Sometimes I still view myself in my 30’s, I’d say 20’s even, at times, but that probably sounds bad.  Thirties are more accurate.  Just from my own self perceptions, I still look at myself and the world much in the same way now that I did then.  Sometimes that is a good thing.  Helps keep the mind fresh and accepting and sometimes more willing to still take a chance.  But the very hard reality is that in 2 and half years I will see the half century mark.  And I am still in a place in the world of a 20 or 30 year old.  I always seem to tell myself “I got time”.  Do I? 

I have a child who has been very ill for the past couple years.  Due to that circumstance, I lost a job that I liked and did well in and had been diligently plugging away at for over a decade at the time to care for her.  I had roots there.  I don’t have any roots anywhere anymore, I don’t believe.  I am just free floating like a dandelion tuft on the wind with no clue where I will land and plant.

My child is somewhat improved in many ways and I find that I am having a heck of a time finding another job, now.  Even lower respected jobs that are more plentiful and I thought would be no problem getting are proving quite difficult for me to obtain.  That is a bummer, indeed.  I am viewed as too old.  Wow!  When did that happen?  Where did all this silver hair come from under this dye? Where did all this pain in my joints come from?  It takes me 10 minutes of stretching in the morning to walk without hobbling.  Why is my blood pressure staying elevated and my cholesterol is rising up against me and becoming an enemy that can no longer be manipulated with simple dietary changes?

I don’t think I am in Kansas anymore, Toto.  The world around me, and within me, has become a foreign place.  I don’t quite know how to begin to adapt, myself, anymore.  But I know that if I do not find a way to adapt to the changes taking place in and around me, I will surely perish, overtime, physically and spiritually.   This SHALL REQUIRE focused and consistent change on my part.  And I believe I may need more than a little help from my beloved and beneficent Creator and Savior.

Actually, upon further meditation and prayer, I believe I have personally thought and attempted to change myself quite enough, and have not moved meaningfully towards meeting the goal.  I feel it is time to let God have the wheel completely and just maybe I need to sit on my hands and let Him do the driving as He sees fit.  I know myself well enough to realize this will be no easy task for me to allow to be completed.

Pray for me.